


Girl's Night

by OhmieBunnerz



Category: Banana Bus Squad, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Drinking, Not Beta Read, Reading Fanfiction, Swearing, Video Chat, cringe reading because why not, drunk laughing, dumb jokes, girls night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-14 21:40:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28802205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OhmieBunnerz/pseuds/OhmieBunnerz
Summary: Kelly had an idea to do some fanfiction reading. Chrissy is invited, wine is involved, and they get ready for the reading. Laughter ensues.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	Girl's Night

**Author's Note:**

> Apparently someone had the bravery to read fanfictions. Here's one dedicated to Kelly and Chrissy, and hope this ain't too ridiculous ha. Did it for fun. Enjoy :)

* * *

“Didn’t you make the tweet about this today? It wasn’t like last week or anything, right? I’m not dreaming?” Chrissy leans back into her couch, speculating if the date is correct. It is, and she’s wondering how this is even possible.

“Yeah, just today. I figured since there’s a couple stories about us, we could laugh as I’m always portrayed as a zoologist and you…”

Chrissy smirks through the camera. “I’m a big ole mystery. People always write me in as an estimator or Scotty’s bodyguard.” They both laugh, and she continues. “They must have noticed my massive arm guns.”

“Arm guns?” Now Kelly is laughing, trying not to spill her filled glass all over Tyler’s fancy card collection. Sure, they aren’t the ‘shinies’ as she’s been told about a hundred times before (not that she minds), but he would still be upset. She’s certain he’ll fill a bookshelf as tall as himself one day. That would be scary.

Chrissy sips back her rum and coke, wondering when Scotty will be back with the groceries. He said it wouldn’t be a big deal, what with her important girl’s night already planned out. Plus he said he wanted an excuse to get McDonald’s. Guaranteed he’ll be back with two burgers, two fries, two drinks, and say he didn’t touch them, but will try to pass off the half empty fry container. At least that’s what he’ll try to do before she calls him out on having a fry monopoly in the other hand.

“So,” Kelly asks as Kino hops up on the couch with her. “You sure you up for this dangerous read? It ain’t your typical Charles Dickins.”

“Dickins,” Chrissy smirks, chin in hand as she leans in. “That’s funny, because that’s exactly what you’re worried about reading.”

Kelly pets Kino to distract herself. “Nah, I’m not scared of nuthin. We’ve read worse. There was those movies too.”

“Which ones?”

“Remember that 365 Days one?”

Chrissy shudders at the memory. “Yeah, anything online can’t nearly be as bad as that.”

Kelly says “Be careful what you wish for. Lots of bored people out there have the internet and the capability to spell ‘dick’ a hundred times over.”

Chrissy acts shocked. “Dick? What ever did Richard do to be repeated so many times?” They laugh, and she continues. “Fo’ real though, why are writers so chill with writing about a wiener so many times, but afraid to mention, even once, the iconic roast beef?”

“Jesus, Chrissy!” Kelly totally spills the wine this time, but onto her black pants instead of the floor or table. Kino is quick to sniff her knee where the majority of it went. “No, puppy boy. Wine is bad for dogs,” she tells him nicely as she gets up, pretending she’s not a typical drunk mom. Not that she’s a mom. Not yet. Only when she’s certain her baby won’t be photoshopped with pig ears at some point over the internet.

Chrissy calls from the abandoned computer “Hey, Kino! Are you being a good boy? Hey, don’t ignore me!” She smiles when finally the confused dalmatian turns to the screen. “Who’s a good pupper? Who ends up in more stories than Auntie Chrissy?”

“Aunty Chrissy?” Kelly calls from the kitchen, dabbing her knee with a tea towel.

Chrissy says “I’ve a had a double shot to my drink, okay? If I feel like being a dog aunt, I’m a dog aunt. At least until I about sobered up.”

“You don’t sound sober yet. Maybe have another shot to clear it up?” Kelly suggests, coming back with a metal straw in her glass. No longer is it a tall wine glass, no, it’s a regular cup so the straw actually fits in it. Still, Chrissy snorts as soon as she sees it.

“Really? You telling me to drink more to clear up my drunk? You’re funny, Kelly, considering you have a sippy straw to go with your big girl drink.”

Kelly proudly holds the glass before the screen. “Be jealous. You  _ wish _ you had a recyclable straw. I am above the law. No longer am I bound to this earth by mere plastic. No, better than rubber or wood, bamboo or glass, I have the metallic straw of the future!”

“Calm down, Ms. Jetson.” Chrissy is still amused though. Her perks up even farther when Scotty walks in in the background. “Dear husband! You have returned!”

In the background, keys and bags are set down somewhere, probably the kitchen. “Yes, I have made it from the wasteland, my dear!”

Kelly happily listens to the married individuals have a vocal duel as she pets a comfortable Kino on the head. The dopey looking dog curls up next to her on the large couch, happy to be beside her rather than anywhere else in the house. It gives her a fuzzy feeling of happiness. She’s blessed to have this moment with her friend, even if it is over a laptop. She has Tyler doing some live streaming down the hall, a briolata in the oven (which she promises not to burn even though she’s drinking), and a cute dog at her side. Oh, and a tipsy form of entertainment which is Chrissy as she tries to keep her husband out of the picture. Literally.

“I said she’s my friend, Scotty!”

“She’s my friend too! Hi, Kelly!” The two burst into laughter as Scotty manages to squeeze in beside his oh-so loving wife.

Kelly waves half heartedly because of the glass in one hand and petting Kino with the other. “Hello, Scotty. How was the grocery run? Chaotic?”

“You know it.” He smiles. “You got your mask on, plenty of that social distancing going on, some punching and pulling hair. You know, the usual.”

“The usual.” Kelly agrees with a one shoulder shrug. “But for real, you did okay?”

A nod. “Yep. We’re having some shrimp alfredo tonight, and  _ someone _ said we had linguini.”

Chrissy smiles sheepishly into the camera. “It was macaroni noodles. Not the same vibe.” As Chrissy and Kelly go back and forth about food and who’s is better, Scotty notices a hauntingly familiar tab opened up on the computer.

“ _ No. _ ”

Kelly raises a brow and Chrissy look over at Scotty. Chrissy asks “What is it?”

“You guys are not reading  _ fanfictions _ , are you?”

Chrissy grins. “What’s wrong? You don’t enjoy a good bible reading from time to time?”

“Oh, but of course, but-”

She leans in closer. “But what? Afraid of the written word, Scotty?” She teases.

“Nope, not at all. Never. Nah.” Scotty waves it off, laughing as the girls join in. “They just write me so out of character. Like, I’m no one’s bitch!”

Chrissy leans her head on his shoulder all lovingly. “You’re no one’s bitch but mine, husband.”

“Of course, dear.”

Kelly pretends to gag. “Someone get these love birds out of here so I can read some cringe.”

“Cringe?” Scotty asks. “Oh, I get it. You’re already expecting it to be bad. Smart. Anytime you read something about yourself, you have to be on the edge of your seat.”

Kelly says “Why? Cause it’s so exciting?”

“So you can run to the door faster.”

Chrissy sets down her rum and coke and pops open the tab so she can scroll through. “Well, a majority of the stories don’t involve us. It’s hard to find any that do. It’s like we’re always side characters and stuff.”

Kelly adds in (for Scotty’s knowledge since he’s been out until now) “I’m always a zoo keeper that feeds people to the tigers, and Chrissy is your bodyguard.”

He laughs. “I believe it.”

Chrissy pauses in her typing to look up at him all serious. Then she does a kissy face. “I got you.” And goes back to scrolling.

Kelly looks over and Kino is already dozing off. That dog sleeps more than anything else, including eating Tyler’s shoes, and that’s saying something. “So,” she turns back to the laptop. “What would you like to try and read first?”

“Try?” Chrissy grins. “I like your enthusiasm… What about the one with crazy zoo animals and you’re the only one who can cure them after Tyler failed to catch them in a pokeball?”

Kelly’s eyes widen. “That’s a thing.”

Chrissy looks into the screen. “It might be.”

Scotty and Kelly are both confused. “What?” They say in unison.

Chrissy scrolls as if nothing happened. “Porn without plot, porn with plot, picnic date, porn, dog walking, café au, murder-”

“Oh, I like murder!” Kelly perks up, making Scotty laugh.

“You sound  _ way _ too excited about that, Kelly.”

She smirks like a psychopath would. “And why not? You have mystery, deceit, rescues and failed rescues, heroes called into action- and almost always the tropes make you drink until you’re dead on the floor.”

Chrissy nods in agreement. “I had a drinking game with friends before. Anytime a trope on the bingo card showed up, you had to drink.”

Scotty asks “What kind of tropes? Monsters, the nerd dies first, people tripping?”

“Exactly,” says Kelly. “I did the same kind of game she mentioned. I had to drink because the power went out, there’s no signal, and someone died just after doing the horizontal tango.”

Chrissy and Scotty both burst out at the childlike censoring. Kelly smiles, listening to them while also hearing Tyler rage in his office somewhere behind her. Maybe he found that Grade 10 worthy Pokémon card he’s been looking for. He keeps beaming over the fact he has three, 9.5 grade Charizards while at the same time being sad he doesn’t have that 10 grade worthy one. It’s a funny predicament Kelly has noticed, and she’s happy to see him excited about the new hobby.

Chrissy finds a story about murder. She’s wasn’t kidding when she said she found one, but it’s also a little short, and totally doesn’t include Kelly as the zoologist gone crazy like she hoped for. No, it has to do with one of their other friends, and Scotty makes remarks he wouldn’t act like that in real life, but it’s still funny to read about. Entertaining actually. That is until someone dabs in it and all three of them agree to back out of that story.

The next is a gang story, and Chrissy is all to proud that she’s mentioned in the description. “What an honor it is to be a Queen,” she says like the true heir to royalty she is.

Scotty chuckles and checks her drink. “Oh, hun, you made this too strong.”

“Why is it too strong?” Chrissy is genuinely confused. 

“Because you’re not a Queen-”

“What did you say-?”

“It says right there you’re the right hand woman of the Don!” He points it out before the divorce papers are printed up.

“Oh, you right. I see now.” Chrissy gets up from her seat, giving Scotty all the room to be center stage on the screen. “What you want to drink?” She asks off screen, and Scotty answers with a beer.

He looks at Kelly and smiles. “So what possessed you guys to want to read fanfiction? You guys don’t normally do that sort of thing.”

Kelly shrugs. “Boredom, curiosity, and excuse to talk. We haven’t seen each other face to face in months, so the video calls are all we can really do these days.”

“I get it,” he agrees. “We have the same issue. We usually meet up at Pax or for American Day at your place-”

Kelly snorts. “Did you just say America Day?”

“I did so,” Scotty says confidently, drawing the attention of his wife.

Chrissy yells from the kitchen “Did he says American Day?!”

“Yep!” Kelly throws him under the bus as Scotty pretends to close the laptop. “He said America Day! Not a true American! I bet he wears his mask under his nose too!”

“Shush,” Scotty whispers. “Or I’ll end the call. I’ll do it. I swear I will.”

Chrissy comes back with his beer, holding it just out of his reach. “Scooch over or you ain’t getting the precious, fermented hops.” With the lure of a nice, cold beer, Scotty shuffles over gladly so she can sit beside him. They share a loving glance as they tap their glasses together.

Kelly looks over at Kino. “You wanna tap your water dish against my glass, boy?”

Kino opens one lazy eye then promptly closes it, hoping to go back to his treat filled dream

Kelly pretends to clink her glass with the air, sound effect included. It catches the eye of someone in the kitchen.

“The hell are you doing?”

The familiar, yet unexpected voice makes Kelly jump, and the figures on her laptop as she spills wine for a second time. Go figure the juice glass and straw failed her. What next? A sealed water bottle?

“Tyler, my lovely man!” She beams, arms open as she turns around on the couch to face him. “Did you finish the stream?”

Tyler comes over, holding a Gatorade as he takes in the scene. Sleeping dog with wine on his butt, tipsy girlfriend, Scotty and Chrissy on the laptop… An average Saturday. “Kelly, you spilled on Kino.” He tries not to laugh Kelly turns to Kino, the dog having not even flinched when the red wine stained his butt. Tyler grabs the hand towel on the way over, and smiles at the ones on screen while his girlfriend cleans a passive Kino up. He leans over the back of the couch. “Hello, you little shits. Did you dare her to paint our dog red?”

Chrissy starts “Maybe-” And Scotty covers he mouth.

“Nah, of course not. We are perfect angels. No way we would  _ ever _ convince Kelly of such a despicable act.”

“Uh huh, sure. Then how did it happen?”

“I don’t know, man. Maybe cause your scary ass scared her as she was toasting to a ghost?”

“I was wondering what was going on.” Tyler glances over at Kelly as she tries not to cry wine induced tears over Kino. The dog is rolling onto his back, asking for those belly rubs when he’s worried he’s getting into trouble. He smiles and looks back at the laptop. “What you guys up to tonight?”

“Fanfiction,” Chrissy says before Scotty can stop her. Her smile remains even as Tyler grows pale.

“Don’t.”

“That’s what I said!” Scotty agrees.

Tyler shakes his head. “Did it once. Never again.”

Kelly looks up after she’s certain their dalmatian is clean (mostly). “You read some fanfiction before?”

“Once upon a time I did, yeah. It was a shitshow. I feel like if I wasn’t drinking at the time, I would’ve lost a year of my life.”

Chrissy grins and rolls her eyes. “Then you won’t enjoy tonight, ya pussy. We gonna be reading all about cheerleader Scotty and his football team of friends.”

Scotty laughs. “Oh no.”

Tyler smiles over at Kelly. “You care if I join?”

She smiles. “Hop on down, babe… Or maybe get a drink first so you don’t remember it tomorrow.”

“Maybe I should.” Tyler looks down at his gatorade then heads back to the fridge for a stronger, more memory erasing type of sip. He goes for a glass of whiskey because he’s a classy bastard. Once he returns, they all cross their fingers and open up the first story at Chrissy’s choosing...


End file.
